Today, we're talking about the most important skill in the business world: networking.

And no, I'm not talking about that weak-ass LinkedIn shit.

I'm talking about real, raw, in-the-flesh connections that can make or break your fucking career.

Let me tell you a little story.

A few years back, I found myself at an underground reptile fighting ring with Tony fucking Robbins and Alex Jones.

Anyway, there I was, watching these genetically engineered super-lizards tear each other apart, when I saw him: the most magnificent specimen I'd ever laid eyes on.

He was a six-foot-long komodo dragon with teeth like daggers and eyes that burned with the fire of a thousand suns.

I knew right then and there that I had to have him.

So, I did what any reasonable person would do: I bet my entire life savings on him.

And wouldn't you know it, the bastard won.

Tore his opponent to shreds like a fucking paper shredder.

I was so proud, I almost shed a tear.

After the fight, I convinced Tony and Alex to help me steal the lizard.

We named him "Chompy" and snuck him out in a duffel bag filled with raw chicken and steroids.

From that moment on, Chompy was like a son to me.

I raised him as my own, teaching him everything I knew about the world.

We'd go on long walks through the sewers, I'd read him bedtime stories from Machiavelli's "The Prince," and I even taught him how to pick pockets with his tail.

He was a natural-born hustler, just like his old man.

One day, Chompy started foaming at the mouth and chasing his own tail like a crackhead at a disco.

Turns out, he had contracted a rare form of lizard rabies from one of his fights.

I was devastated.

Chompy was more than just a lizard – he was my partner in crime, my confidant, my scaly soulmate.

But I knew what I had to do.

I took him out back behind the dumpsters, gave him one last scratch under the chin, and then I… I… fuck, I can't even say it.

Let's just say Chompy's not suffering anymore, and leave it at that.

But here's the thing: even though Chompy's gone, the lessons he taught me live on.

He showed me the true meaning of loyalty, the importance of always keeping your teeth sharp and your claws sharper.

And most of all, he taught me that sometimes, the greatest connections you'll make in life aren't with humans at all.

So, the next time you're at an underground reptile fighting ring with a motivational speaker and a conspiracy theorist, don't be afraid to take a chance on a lizard with a lot of teeth.

It might just change your life, for better or for worse.

Rest in peace, Chompy. You were one cold-blooded son of a bitch, but you were my cold-blooded son of a bitch.

Until next time, you filthy animals.

Clay

P.S. If you ever find yourself at an underground reptile fighting ring with Tony Robbins and Alex Jones, just remember: always bet on the lizard with the most teeth. Trust me on that one.

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